


Duckface

by SpuffyCarrie



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Adult Content, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Romantic Comedy, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Complete, Explicit Language, F/M, Not Canon Compliant, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:07:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22776868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpuffyCarrie/pseuds/SpuffyCarrie
Summary: What happens when a vampire becomes addicted to the worst type of Social Media? Chaos, one would think. Welcome to Duckface, comedy fluff with the barest hint of smut.  I hope you enjoy my ridiculous one shot, a tale of caution online.A challenge response to Sunalso's April Fool’s Challenge 2017 on Elysian Fields. For the purposes of this story there is no imminent apocalypse, so no Glory and Joyce doesn’t die. There’s also no Riley. Dawn is fifteen and the story is set loosely around S5 after ‘Something Blue’ (if this was during the time of the iPad -I’ve taken a bit of licence with this one)Some dialogue used from season 5's ‘Crush’
Relationships: Spike/Buffy Summers
Kudos: 12





	Duckface

**Author's Note:**

> A/N If there's any confusion, my penname is -Carrie-Ann- on EF, SpuffyCarrie on Tumblr and Ao3.  
> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable music, characters, settings, pictures etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

“Dawn, how do you even get so addicted to this stuff?” Buffy said, peering at the screen banner and the websites name, ‘Duckface’. It featured lots of pouting lips dotted across the landing page and people of all ages in ridiculous poses, puckering and performing air kisses.

The whole thing was totally weird to Buffy, the sites members posting pictures of their pouts for other people to like or dislike. She shook her head in repugnance. Surely lips were lips as far as things went and were great for kissing, not massively useful for much else, well, maybe other things like talking or whistling and they sure helped with sucking stuff…

She coloured red as a truly naughty thought about sucking an appendage of Spike’s popped into her mind unbidden. She couldn’t help but remember his lips under the spell. Mmm, lips of Spike. Their kisses had been so sizzling hot, she hadn’t been able to get those heady smooches out of her mind ever since.

“Buffy!” Dawn demanded for the third time as she came back to reality. “Jeeze, do you ever listen?”

“What?”

“I said, I’m telling you, he’s famous, a hot ticket, look at how many likes he has and all those emoticons. Buffy, I swear I’d recognise that jawline and those lips anywhere, they’re definitely Spikes.” Dawn, said, pointing the photo of the lower half of a male face on the screen on her IPad.

“That’s because you've a crush on him! All you ever do is talk about him.” Buffy said, folding her arms and giving her sister a disapproving look.

“No I don’t! And even if I did have a crush, it’s not like he’d notice me anyway.” Dawn pouted.

Buffy raised her eyebrows questioningly.

“Oh, come on, don’t tell me you didn’t notice? Spike’s totally into you, Buffy, Spike’s completely in love with you.”

“Huh?” Was Buffy’s confused reply, her face a picture of total shock.

…

Buffy spent the next few days avoiding Spike and attempting to ignore what Dawn had said, while trying to block it from her mind. He couldn’t love her. Spike was evil and a vampire and everyone knew vampires couldn’t love. But that aside, my, could he kiss, he’d made her body hum and burn like she was on fire over the course of the day they’d been under Willow’s spell and that wasn’t something easy to forget. Spike had been the only man who’d made her feel that way in her whole life, like she would erupt like a volcano if he touched her in just the right way.

Her secret yearning for the blonde pest had begun to invade her dreams and she’d woken, soaked in sweat and on the brink of orgasm several nights that week already. She tried to tell herself it wasn’t him, just that she hadn’t got laid in a long time, true honesty with herself had never been her style.

She was getting ready to patrol when there was a knock on the door, she opened it and Spike strode past her into the house in full ranting mode.

“They loved my lips!” He said, his arms flailing above his head as he paced angrily, “Had forty-three-thousand hits an’ now they all hate me, jus’ cause I clicked ‘like’ on a picture with some girl sayin’ she wanted to kick her dog. I couldn’t help it! It was an accident, was a bit pissed an’ my thumb slipped! Then I couldn’t remove the like!” he seethed.

Buffy rolled her eyes, a likely story, evil, wasn’t he? 

“They hate me! All of them, the whole bloody world!” He said, throwing his arms wide, his voice breaking with emotion.

“Spike, please tell me why you’re here, in my house and…are you crying?” Buffy said, her arms crossed over her chest as she watched the tearful vampire’s outburst.

“No!” He replied unhappily as he shuffled his feet and put his hands in the pocket of his duster. “Well, maybe a little.” He stuck out his lower lip, which wobbled slightly.

“So, let me get this straight. You’re telling me, the big, bad vampire is crying because people he has never met don’t like him anymore?” Buffy said, pursing her lips in her attempt to hold in a guffaw.

“Christ, Slayer, what if these people _do_ know me? I’ll be laughed outta Sunny-hell. They’ll be all ‘there goes William the Bloody with his perfect lips an’ now everyone in the whole world hates him.” he mocked his own voice. “They could be waitin’ outside right now to heckle me.” He said, rushing to the window and peering carefully through the drapes for any malingerers.

“Spike, you’ve totally lost your mind!” Buffy spluttered, “I don’t know what to tell you. Get over it you stupid, stupid vampire is my first thought.” She said, shaking her head in exasperation.

Spike looked up at her from below his lashes with puppy dog eyes and his perfect ‘Duckface’ pout.

That was it, she couldn’t take any more and burst out laughing, slapping her hands on her thighs, her whole body shaking with mirth as she let rip.

Spike stilled and lifted his chin to give her a death glare, his eyes hooded as he gritted his teeth.

“Alright, Miss perfect lips, why don’t you give it a try an’ see how far you get? Lips like yours are a dime a dozen on the site, I’m bettin’ you wouldn’t even get one bloody hundred likes!”

Buffy’s chuckles slowed at the obvious challenge he was laying down. Her narrowed green eyes met his as she studied him.

“I wouldn’t do something so idiotic, Spike. God, I have better things to do with my time than post pictures of myself pouting like a trout online, like staking useless vampires for instance.” She said, her hand itching to grab the stake in her jacket pocket. There was no way she was going to lower herself to his level and take him up on his dare, what were they? Five years old?

She decided she would take a different tack and caught his gaze intending to engaging him in a staring contest. When she remembered, he didn’t have to blink, she began fluttering her eyelashes coquettishly and watched him from below them as he cocked his head in that adorable way, like he was sizing up a tasty morsel. She smiled and bit her lip as he took the bait.

His eyes dropped to her lips as she daringly allowed her glistening pink tongue to sweep languorously over her pink, glossed, top lip. If he really did want her, like Dawn said, it would be obvious by his reaction to her flirtatious teasing.

She felt her flutters course over her lower belly as Spike visibly gulped, his eyes following the stroke of her tongue. He leaned forth, just a little, with a look of hunger and desperation clouding his features before letting out a gush of breath which almost sounded like the beginning of her name. His demeanour changed and he squeezed his eyes shut, tensing and clenching his fists before opening them again, their cerulean depths filled with clear frustration. For a minute he’d appeared mesmerised by her and now he was just hopping-mad.

She’d had him there for a moment before he realised she was trying to play him.

“I know what you’re doin’ pet. Distractin’ me so I won’t lay down a bet you have no hope of winnin’.” He said through gritted teeth as he paced the living room.

She placed her hands on her hips. “Say I was to take you up on this bet? What’s in it for me?” She eventually asked, to stop him from wearing a hole in her mother’s floor.

“If you win, I’ll leave town, sayonara suckers, so long, farewell Leicester bloody Square an’ all that rot.”

“And if you win?”

“Hmm, well, this is where it gets interestin’”. He said, brazenly stepping forward until he was inches away from her ear, his voice gravelled as he daringly moved a strand of her blonde hair aside with the tips of his fingers. His breath tickled at the very edge of her ear and made her shiver.

“Spike?” She ventured with a tiny voice, not sure what he was up to.

“Err, yeah,” He snatched his fingers back and moved away like he’d been burned, spinning around and walking to the front door, his duster fluttering on the breeze behind him. He’d lost himself and had been about to kiss her ear before her voice drew him back to reality.

“If I win, you get to kiss me for ten minutes, sitting in my lap. Better get out those breath mints, love.”

His tongue curled in that way that made her want to grasp him by the collar of his duster and suck it right into her mouth.

“I’m never, ever, going to kiss you Spike! And my breath is just fine thank-you! And y-you’re a pig!”

“Oh, you will, Slayer, an’ when you lose the bet you have to beg me to kiss you, that’s my other stipulation.” He grinned wickedly and slammed the door behind him as he headed out into the night before she had a chance to reply.

Buffy pouted and flounced upstairs to find Dawn. “As if!” She muttered to herself. “Stupid, sexy vampire.”

……………………………………………………………………………..

Buffy plonked her forefinger on the B key on the laptop. “See, Buffy is not a total technophobe!” she muttered to no one.

She’d found the website and had followed the instructions to create her user profile. She clicked the letter u and continued to type the rest of her name slowly, “Email address, where’s my email address?” she fumbled for a piece of paper and read the email Dawn had created. “Thinks she’s funny, doesn’t she?” Buffy said, her brow furrowed and her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth as she stared intently at the screen, entering her email address with one finger ‘vampirelover@livesrus.com’.

Ten minutes later she sat back and looked at her user name, what should she call herself? She had an epiphany and entered ‘sexy-slayer’, only to find it taken, who could have taken that user name already? In annoyance, she changed it to ‘Chosen-One’ and it was accepted. “Take that slutty-slayer!” She declared, happy with herself she clapped her hands and moved to fill in the ‘About Me’ section.

“What to say, what to say.” She said, tapping her fingers on Dawn desk with pursed lips.

It took thirty minutes and a lot of cursing before she had finished. “It hard being the one girl in the world whose been chosen to fight against the forces of darkness. I’m a stylish, fashion-conscious girl who kicks the butt of evil.”

Buffy uploaded the profile picture Dawn had taken earlier and added it as her sister had shown her before she clicked update. Her profile was uploaded to the website under the ‘Luscious New Lips’ section.

“Take that, Spike! Buffy’s gonna thrash your pants and there isn’t a thing you can do about it!” She said gleefully.

She rose to go get a drink of juice when she heard the first ping. “Ooh! I have a like! Someone likes my lips!” She did a little jig, not realising the utter absurdity of what she’d just said compared to the conversation she’d had with a vampire who was totally smitten with the site. As she peered at the screen, three more likes came in. Then a message popped up on the messenger screen.

 _“Hey babe, scrumptious lips, what’s your regime?”_ some user called ‘Lip-Smacker’ asked.

Back to the one finger she typed in ‘ _Regime?_ ’

_“Yeah, what do you to keep those lips looking so tasty?”_

_“Uh, nothing?”_ She replied, hearing more pings come in, all likes, then some dislikes and sad emoji’s. Her heart began to race. Who were these people to judge her on just her lips? She saved their damn lives every day, godammit!

Another profile pinged up under ‘Users you might like’ “Oh, thank god!” She said, naively clicking on the ‘Become friends with user ‘Lips of Spike’ icon.

Once she clicked that button, she realised her mistake as a torrent of users began to bombard her with irate devil faces.

Then the nasty messages started.

_“I don’t know how you think you can come here and add your lips when you don’t have a regime!” **– Lips Ahoy**_

_“You must be a lover of animal abuse just like ‘Lips of Spike’ he’s sick in the head!” **\- Big Lips**_

_“Get off this site, ugly bitch!” **– Suck My Kiss**_

_“God, you’re such a liar, you say you fight the forces of darkness but your email address is vampirelover you twisted whore!” **– Canoodle my Smackers** _

“Whoa, whoa!” She exclaimed, covering her eyes and peeking through a gap in her fingers as more messages came in. She stood and slammed down the lid of the laptop with tears in her eyes, her heart pounding at the unexpected attack. It had all happened so fast she couldn’t keep up with the replies, they were constant and scarier than dealing with a gang of vamps. She couldn’t believe the outright nasty things they’d said. She needed Dawn to help her stop it but Dawn was out with mom at the movies and the last thing she needed was her phone pinging every two seconds.

She grabbed her coat and fled from the house.

Before she knew it, she was kicking in the door to Spike’s crypt.

“And to what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?” Spike said from the easy chair, ignoring her as he swigged a bottle of Jack in front of the telly, naked from the waist up.

He heard a whimper as the tang of her tears caught his nostrils on the breeze floating through the door, he jumped out of his seat. “What’s ‘append, pet? You hurt? Mum or little sis’ hurt?” He probed, moving to stand in front of Buffy, tentatively placing his hands on her shoulders, looking her over for injuries. “Come on, love, you can tell ole Spike.”

She began to sob in earnest and Spike searched the room for a handkerchief, evil he may be but he always had one knocking around somewhere. He was quickly back at her side and raised his hand to stroke her hair, his eyes filled with concern but pulling it back, realising he might get his ass kicked for touching her uninvited. “What is it, Slayer? Come on, lay it on me, ‘m a big boy, I can take it.”

“T-they were mean to me!” She blubbered, taking the proffered hanky and blowing her nose loudly.

“Who was bloody mean to you?” He said reaching for his boots, “Little tossers are gonna get it for messin’ with my Slayer, where are they?” Spike yelled, not even thinking how comical it was to offer to chase off the mean kids for the Slayer.

“N-not them, those evil lip people! They said horrible things to me!” She snivelled.” They’re more evil than you and that’s saying a lot.” She said sadly as she mopped up her tears.

A slow grin spread over Spike’s face. Even with the urge to comfort her the fact that this had happened and so quickly amused him, no end. “So, wot, you’re sayin’ you got trolled on your first day?” He said, his smile a mile wide.

“No, there were no trolls, just evil, skanky, bitch, humans!” She blubbed, “They said I was ugly!” She bawled, throwing herself into his arms and burying her head in his chest.

He couldn’t help but take the opportunity to hold her and soothe her tears, however much he wanted to mock her, the unexpected chance to hold her in his arms was better than he could ever have expected. How he’d longed for this after the witches’ spell.

“There, there, pet, they’re not real people.” He said, petting her hair like he might a dog. “Don’ tell me the Slayer is crying because people she has never met don’t like her anymore?”

He felt her flinch. Why, oh, why did he open his bloody great gob, he thought as he found himself pushed to the floor below her. God, she was glorious when she angry.

“You’re a pig Spike, I’m gonna show you, I’ll have a thousand more likes than you by tomorrow!” She yelled as she headed out the door.

“Yeah, right, Slayer, they don’t let you upload pics of your goodies on there!” He called after her. “And you’ve taken my bloody hanky!”

She slammed the door and one of the dusty urns smashed to the floor.

“Last one I had, it was.” He muttered.

Spike picked up his bottle of Jack and drained it before picking up his laptop, a dastardly plan forming in his mind.

…..

Project ‘Troll the Trolls’ was something even Spike was proud of coming up with. He could be more spiteful and malicious than the best of them if he chose to be and he began with the nasty messages Buffy had received on her first day. He could be subtle and if he played this right it could still end with her still losing the epic battle of the likes.

He began to type on the old faithful laptop he’d rescued from the dump. People threw away perfectly good stuff and he could never understand why. Judging from the condition it was in when he found it, the computer looked like it may have belonged to someone who was having an affair as they’d carelessly left it without any password protection, their social media accounts open and pictures of themselves up to no good with a large breasted woman saved to the hard drive. The other telling feature was that someone had painted ‘You bastard!’ on the screen with fire engine red nail polish. He’d carefully chipped it away and the screen was now almost as good as new. 

He sat in his easy chair, a cigarette in one hand and the laptop perched on his lap, glaring at the downright hostile responses she’d had on her first night on the site. “Bastards.” He muttered.

_“I don’t know how you think you can come here and add your lips when you don’t have a regime!” **– Lips Ahoy**_

**_Lips of Spike replied to your comment:_ ** _“You look nice tonight, pet, can see you’ve just got in from a hard day at the office, taken off your shoes and sat down at your computer desk. That’s a smashing blouse you’re wearing.”_

Spike didn’t have a clue what the woman looked like but he guessed rightly that she was an office type and wore a blouse, wasn’t hard, he wondered if he should be one of those mediums on the telly, all it took was a bit of deduction and an urge to play people.

_“What? Who the hell are you? How do you even know that? I’m calling the cops you freak!” **– Lips Ahoy**_

**_Lips of Spike replied to your comment:”_ ** _I wouldn’t do that if I were you, I will have deleted my post by then and you will be buried six feet under. Apologise to the girl and we’ll say no more about it, report me and I’ll be in and out of your house before the cops arrive, don’t underestimate a master vampire.”_

_“I’m sorry, please leave me alone, I’ll apologise and delete the post right away, no regime is the best way, just pure beauty, I’ll tell her so.” **– Lips Ahoy**_

**_Lips of Spike replied to your comment:_ ** _“I’m so glad you felt the urge to comply, I hate it when I get blood on my shirt collar, it’s always so soddin’ difficult to get the stain out.”_

Spike sat back and watched with satisfaction as the troll took off her evil comments, left a shiny, nice new one praising Buffy and apologising for being rude before they disabled their profile. The user was clearly shitting her pants and probably would never do something like that again. Pleased with himself he continued in the same vain, frightening half of California to death and pressurizing them into posting nice comments and likes on Buffy’s page.

He was extremely proud of one of his replies as it was directed at him personally.

_“You must be a lover of animal abuse just like ‘Lips of Spike’ he’s sick in the head!” **\- Big Lips**_

**_Lips of Spike replied to your comment:_ ** _“That’s such a lovely Pomeranian you have, unfortunately it would have to be trained as an attack dog to stop me getting to you. I have no problem with animals, an animal has never told me I’m sick in the head but they can be right tasty when you rip their throats out, ducks, remove the comment on this page and I will allow you both to live.”_

This was California after all and pretty much any self-absorbed, pretentious prick owned a small dog and his guess was right on the button.

_“Please don’t hurt my Trixie, I’ll do whatever you say!” **\- Big Lips**_

This was all too easy.

He moved onto the other one which really bothered him, the wanker who had upset Buffy.

_“Get off this site, ugly bitch!” **– Suck My Kiss**_

**_Lips of Spike replied to your comment:_** _“I have looked over your personal profile and find it mediocre to say the least, your lips are too thin, your skin wrinkled by too much sun, I fear you may be the ugly one. I must also tell you I’ve always had an urge to torture Anthony Kiedis to death. Remove the comment or I will make it so.”_ He informed the guy who had posted the comment, a clear fan of the Chilli Peppers.

_“That’s way harsh, man, Anthony hasn’t done anything to you!” **– Suck My Kiss**_

**_Lips of Spike replied to your comment:_ ** _“Aren’t you going to the concert in LA, Saturday? I’ve heard the band are staying at the Four Seasons…”_

_“Sheesh, yeah, OK, but leave Anthony out of it, he’s done nothing to you, man.” **– Suck My Kiss**_

**_…_ **

Buffy opened the lid of Dawn’s computer with shaking fingers, staring at the dark screen as if it was some hell dimension she never wanted to venture into ever again.

It took two attempts to gain the courage to turn the damn thing on and she let out a little yelp as the laptop screen loaded her profile on the website from hell.

She let out a rush of breath as lots and lots of likes flooded in, pinging constantly.

In a day, she’d received one thousand, five hundred likes.

“Take that, Lips of Spike! It’s a lip o’ rama and they all love the Buffy lips!” She sat down before the screen and began her usual, one fingered, measured typing.

…

It took hours of patience Spike didn’t have and he smoked a whole pack of cigarettes as he waited for Buffy to come online. He thought she’d backed out and that would mean a forfeit, he thought gleefully, a satisfied grin planted on his face at the realisation the Slayer of his dreams would have to sit in his lap and beg him to kiss her. It dawned on him that he hadn’t given her a timeframe in which to come up with a higher number of likes than his. He contemplated this as a small icon eventually appeared in the bottom left hand corner of the screen alongside her user name, showing her as being active online.

Spike cracked his knuckles and began to type a private message to Buffy, pleased at how quickly his dexterous fingers had taken to the task. He’d begun, weeks ago, with the one finger death punch and slowly began to learn how to touch type. In times of boredom he called himself ‘Sexy secretary Spike’ in his mind as he chuckled to himself about murdering a whole office of people for not changing the photocopier toner, he’d heard that had really happened once, somewhere. Then he remembered the chip and frowned in irritation, that was that particular mode of employment out the window.

_“Dearest Slayer, I forgot to tell you when we last spoke (and when you acted like a spoiled brat) that you have a week to get enough likes to win the bet. I see you are doing better today but less than two thousand likes per day is never going to be enough to beat my score. I’ll see you on Friday at my crypt, where I expect you to snog me senseless for ten minutes, after requesting that I allow you to sit in my lap. There will be no wooden implements of any kind allowed and once you submit to me, pet, there will be no chance of your escape. You and I both know I will fuck you good and hard on Friday night and you will let me. I, personally, can’t wait to see if you have a perfect shaven….”_

“Fuck!” Spike yelled as the battery ran down and shut off the screen. Being the big bad he’d ignored the constant warning that the laptop was running out of power. Being evil made you ignore warnings and this time it was to his detriment.

He banged the enter key with his fist and lit another smoke.

Unbeknownst to the vampire, he had pressed enter in time and the message had been sent.

_…._

Buffy saw a little pink circle show in the top right hand corner of the screen.

She pursed her lips and tried to click the mouse on the laptop, getting frustrated as she tried to make the cursor move up to the spot and click it. ‘You have mail.’ The computer sounded out. The harder she tried the worse it got, ‘You have mail, you have mail, you have mail’

“Yes, I know I have frickin’ mail!” She yelled, the cursor only millimetres away but not close enough to click on the dot.

Joyce pushed the door open into the room and placed some laundry on Dawns bed. “Having trouble, honey? Here, let me help you.” Joyce said as she deftly moved the cursor for Buffy to the pink dot and clicked. “See, it’s easy, you just…”

Buffy caught sight of the message and banged down the lid of the laptop, almost catching her mother’s fingers as she spotted one word in the message ‘Fuck’.

“I’m sorry mom, it’s just, it’s kinda personal.”

Joyce looked at her daughter’s guilty expression. “Well, OK, but don’t get too addicted to these things, people sometimes aren’t what they appear to be online. That’s why I only allow Dawn an hour on her IPad or laptop a day and monitor her use with the parental settings, there can be nasty people online, don’t make me have to monitor your use too.” She chuckled as she bustled out of the room.

Buffy waited for her mom to leave before turning and tapping the door closed with her foot. The only online predator she had to worry about was Spike and it was unlikely he’d be sexually grooming her, although she supposed she was a young woman and he could be construed as a dirty old man, he was over one hundred after all. She giggled to herself, Spike was ancient but incredibly hot and sex on a stick, she realised she couldn’t find it in herself to care much about his age right now.

She lifted the lid of the laptop and eyed the message warily. It was from him, what else could she expect? He was taunting her from his crypt, which was only a few miles away, and she felt her throat grow dry as she read his filthy message.

Dampness spread in her panties and her heart skipped a beat as she read what he’d written. “Oh, my god!” She said out loud as she felt a shiver run through her like a burst of electricity. How could he write such things in a computer message to her? And on a website which even she knew wasn’t totally private. There were probably media geeks reading right now about how he wanted to f… She couldn’t say it, even to herself. She felt a rush of desire for him as she re-read his words and asked herself if she really wanted to win this bet.

Pushing the thoughts away she told herself she _did_ want to win, she wanted him out of her hair, out of her life, didn’t she? She admitted she was lying to herself, the bleached blonde vampire made her hotter than hell and she wanted him, she only needed an excuse and what better reason than the fact she’d lost to him?

God help her if she did.

….

“Dawn, I can’t let him win, please tell me how I can get more likes!” Buffy said, pacing the room as her sister sat at her desk, reading reviews of Buffy’s lips and perusing the number of likes and comments she had.

“Uh, Buffy, there isn’t any real way to make people like you on here apart from posting more pictures of your lips. Some girls post raunchy pictures of their lips, uh, ya know, uh, with tongues and piercings and stuff.”

Buffy wrinkled her nose, she didn’t fancy getting her tongue pierced. Then she had an epiphany.

“So, I can post a video of me rolling my tongue? You know, my party trick?”

“I guess, uh, I don’t want to film it though, it’s kinda yucky.” Dawn said, grossed out as she made a disgusted face.

“I’ve got to win, Dawn, you don’t know what he’s gonna make me do if I don’t.”

“Why, what happens if you lose?”

“Uh, I can’t tell you exactly but its revolting.” Buffy lied. Of course, it wouldn’t be revolting, it would be totally hot.

“O-OK.” Dawn said, grimacing.

“Great, I’ll get some strawberries and you film it on your phone.”

“Alright.” Her sister said, pulling a face as Buffy clattered downstairs to the kitchen.

…

Low light from the TV flooded the crypt as Spike relaxed in his easy chair, watching an old video he had of the Slayers moves with a glass of Jack laced blood and ice in one hand and a cigarette hanging from his mouth.

“You could’ve had ‘im there, stupid cow!” He yelled at the screen.

The laptop was on charge next to the TV and he heard a ping as an update came in.

Absently brushing some ash from his naked abs which had dropped from the end of his thirtieth, anxiously smoked fag, the vamp moved to check what the message was, chuckling and shaking his head as Buffy kicked the sad specimen of a vamp into the pumpkin patch.

Picking up the laptop, he noted the message, ‘New upload by your favourite user, Chosen-One’

“Now, isn’t this intriguing?” He said to himself as he tapped play on the video which Buffy had uploaded to her profile. He blinked several times, unable to believe what he’d seen before his legs gave out and he plonked back into his seat before the telly.

“Holy mother of god!”

He was mesmerised. Buffy’s tongue was undulating and rolling in a way he’d never seen anyone do in his one hundred and twenty-six years. Then she added a strawberry to the equation, the fruit moving around her delectable mouth as her tongue swirled and circled around it. His cock rose to attention, hard as nails as he wished she’d wrap those luscious lips around it and do that thing with her tongue as he shot his load into her welcoming mouth.

His hand drifted to the zipper on his jeans as he uttered, “Fuck, Buffy.” And drew out his rock-hard member, stroking it as he watched the thirty second video on a loop, over and over. He was just on the edge of orgasm when the moment was ruined, the video stopped and a warning came up on the screen in its place.

_‘This is not suitable content for this website’_

Hissing, he picked up the laptop and slammed down the lid, determined to remember the visual of Buffy’s moist and succulent tongue rotating around the sweet, fleshy fruit.

He could hear the Slayer grunting as she fought in the video on the TV and those sweet sounds were enough to send Spike’s hips rising off the seat as he pumped furiously and yelled her name, his voice echoing around he stone chamber as he came.

Once he recovered, he felt heartbroken when he opened the laptop again, only to be greeted by Buffy’s profile trending on the site, her likes hitting half a million.

The video which had felt personal to him probably had thousands of men wanking over her rippling tongue and it made him feel cheap, like the love he felt for her was second rate. Jealousy spiked his chest as he felt throb where his heart had one been.

“You bloody bitch.” He muttered, feeling tears prickle behind his eyes.

…

Buffy was gleeful as she received five hundred thousand likes before the video was taken down by the site admins.

“He thought he could beat me and he was so deluded!” Buffy said, laughing and running around the room throwing her arms in the air.

“Buffy, it isn’t cool to play with Spike like this, you know he cares for you and you’ve just whored yourself out online. Maybe he won’t want you anymore when he realises what a total bitch you’ve been!” Dawn said, slamming the lid down on her laptop. “These people don’t care about you, it’s all about the likes and tomorrow you’ll be yesterday’s news, the girl who made a show of herself. You told me Spike was upset because people thought he was something he’s not, uh, well, maybe not, but here you go and do the same thing!” She said, opening the door to her room and shooting Buffy a look which meant ‘leave right now’.

Dawn had always been careful online, making sure her friends didn’t think she was a person she wasn’t. She didn’t post anything risky and didn’t like anything she thought might put her in danger of online predators. Their mom had always supervised what she did and both were careful about making sure the settings were right for a girl of her age. Dawn had learned about safety at school and was sensible enough not to fall foul of making friends with people she didn’t know.

Buffy pouted, she hadn’t expected this reaction from Dawn, she’d been having fun and enjoying being the centre of attention. She hadn’t noticed when her sister had begun to read reviews which were not suitable for a girl her age and had become uncomfortable with the whole thing. Buffy had felt a rush and hadn’t been thinking of the consequences.

She walked out of the room and turned, “Dawn, I…”

“Save it!” Her sister yelled and slammed the door behind her.

…

Buffy paced her room like she had ants in her pants. She’d gone back to Dawns bedroom door to apologise but had heard only light snores as her sister slept.

The rush from the explosion of likes and the feeling of euphoria of having something just for her, had made her become complacent. She’d hurt her sister and she supposed, Spike too, and all because she wanted attention. She realised this had gotten out of hand and it wasn’t some usual banter or some silly bet between her and Spike anymore. Now it involved half of California and she knew she’d made a fool of herself by not playing by the rules.

Regardless of whether her sister was asleep, there was someone she could at least try to apologise to and she picked up her stake and headed off to let off some steam on patrol, intending to stop by Spike’s after.

….

“Spike, are you here?” She heard her voice echo around the darkened crypt. She had knocked for once and gently pushed on the metal door, fully expecting him to be there like he always was, ready to be pumped for information or whatever took her fancy at the time.

The place was a mess, looking like Spike had just grabbed his stuff and left. His easy chair lay on its side and the TV was gone.

There was no sign of him and she guessed he’d left because there was no way he could beat her score before Friday, he’d given up trying as she knew she was the better contender.

Her heart pounded with guilt when she realised he was gone and it was all her fault.

…

“So, I said, I’d leave like the wanker I am,” Spike offloaded to the group of friendly demons who surrounded him in Willy’s bar, hanging on his every word as he swigged from his second bottle of Bourbon. “Gonna get packed an’ head off tomorrow, see if Dru’s around. She prob’ly won’t want me back but might tolerate me for a while, least till I can find some place to call home, sweet, home.”

When there was no reply from the previously jolly and sympathetic demons, Spike watched them shrink away, their eyes on the entrance behind him.

“See ya later, Spike. Nice talking with you.” One said bravely as the group dispersed, almost running for the hills.

Spike sensed her even before she stepped inside, that throb of her presence in his fangs, his mind, his undead heart and his cock, making itself known like it always did when she was near.

He didn’t speak, he just took a large swig from the bottle and waited until she came into his slightly blurred vision, looking uncomfortable as she eased herself onto the bar stool before him.

He nodded and rolled his eyes, remaining silent.

“Come to gloat, have we?” He eventually said with a raised eyebrow.

She didn’t reply and looked to Willy, who was doing his best to remain inconspicuous.

“Please may I have a glass?” She said politely, for the first time in Willy’s presence.

“Uh, yeah, sure, Slayer.” Willy gulped and handed her a shot glass which he cleaned meticulously with his towel before handing it to her.

“Thank you.” She said as she took it and placed it before Spike, nodding her head for him to pour her a drink.

He eyed her and sighed melodramatically, before filling her glass and taking another swig from the bottle.

They didn’t speak as she threw back the shot, waggling her tongue as if it burned like molten fire.

Spike was amused but didn’t show it, he closed his eyes to shield his reaction, again feeling the pulse of hurt flitter through his gut. She’d gone all out to beat him because she wanted him to leave and he wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of knowing how much she’d wounded him.

“Spike, I…”

“Save it, Slayer, ‘m here for one last drink before I leave. You won’t need to chase me out of town, I’ll be gone by mornin’”.

Buffy felt his pain and she knew she didn’t want him to go, there was something unexplored between them, something she didn’t want to let go just yet.

She held out her glass for him to refill and gagged as she drank it down, “Bleck!” she exclaimed as she swallowed convulsively.

“Look, Slayer, I don’t even know why you’re here, you don’t like the booze an’ you’re ruinin’ my last peaceful night here. Don’t you have somewhere else to be? Back with your mum an’ the bit? Slayin’ some demon other than me? Checkin’ who liked your bloody gorgeous lips an’ tongue?”

There, he’d said it and he couldn’t take it back. Jealousy oozed through his every pore.

Buffy bristled and placed her glass with purpose back on the bar and rose to her feet, every inch the Slayer. “I can see I wasted my time coming here to apologise to you, go back to Dru and don’t show your face here ever again!”

She moved to walk away and he caught her hand dexterously as she passed him, she stopped and stood behind him, her arm pulled back as she tried to walk away. She didn’t attempt to tug it back.

“Seems someone thinks they can walk away without ‘pologisin’, seein’ that’s what they came here for.” He growled, not turning his head to look at her and taking another drink from his half empty bottle.

Buffy turned and looked at her hand still clutched tightly in his, feeling no urge to shake him away as his cool hand almost burned its signature into her skin.

He placed his bottle on the bar and swept around on the bar stool to face her, keeping her hand enclosed in his.

Slayer and Slayer of Slayers stared each other out for a moment, Spike’s eye’s wild with fury, Buffy’s repentant but stubborn. His eyes softened as his gaze dropped to her lips as she pursed them, like she was about to speak.

There was a moment as they both looked to each other and felt a jolt; this wasn’t ever meant to be a situation the two would have to deal with, they should hate each other and there was never any reason in the world why one should have ever had to apologise to the other.

“I-I wanted to tell you I was sorry about the video,” Buffy gushed as she let out the breath she’d been holding, “Dawn told me it was wrong, I shouldn’t have…”

“Look, not that it wasn’t the hottest thing I’ve seen in my life, s’ just, you ruined it.” He said, exasperated, slamming his hand on the bar in irritation.

“You sold your soul to the devil, Buffy, made somethin’ tawdry that should’ve been a sensual thing for your lover. It didn’t have to be me, Christ, I said some crude stuff to you too but it was still as private as I could make it. Fuck! Baby, you never would’ve spoken to me otherwise!” He said, not meeting her eyes and breathing deeply as he dug the nails of his free hand into the wooden bar.

Buffy’s body jerked when she realised he’d called her baby and Dawns words slammed back into her brain. _“Oh, come on, don’t tell me you didn’t notice? Spike’s totally into you, Buffy, Spike’s completely in love with you.”_

He clenched his free fist until she thought it might draw blood, his brow furrowed as he closed his eyes. “I want you, Buffy, always have, that’s why I have to leave, can’t take being around you when all I want is to slam you against the wall and take you, to make you love me, hear you moanin’ my name when I touch you, ‘s excruciatin’!”

Spike stood swiftly and let go of her hand, pulling on his duster and picking up the bottle. He strode towards the door and disappeared into the night as she stood stunned at the bar.

….

Lost in her thoughts Buffy looked up as a beautiful blue demon girl tugged on her sleeve and handed her a tissue.

It was only then that she realised she was crying.

“He wants you to follow him, honey, he needs you,” the demon said tenderly. “If you need him then go to him, these chances don’t come often.” She said rubbing Buffy’s arm.

Buffy realised it must have taken a lot for the young demon to approach her. Being the source of cold sweat and frightened whispers would put off any lowly demon but this girl had spunk. She handed Buffy a golden coloured shot and held her own out to her. “Dutch courage?” she said, clinking her glass against Buffy’s.

The girls threw their shots back and the girl wished her luck as Buffy suddenly broke into a run, the table of friendly demons roaring and clapping her wake.

…

She stopped running as she entered the dark alley and watched as a black car drove off into the distance. Buffy was sure it was Spike’s Desoto she began to sob, taking Spike’s carefully folded handkerchief out of her pocket and blowing her nose loudly. It sounded out like a trumpet and she tensed as she heard a low chuckle behind her.

“Bloody hell, Slayer, you bawlin’ again? Might go down in history as the Slayer who snivelled so much the vampires dusted themselves!” He declared, a puff of smoke rising from the fag dangling from his lips as his eyes glittered from the gloom. He stood with his thumbs hooked into his belt loops, framing his crotch, stepping forward into the dim light, just like the very first night they’d met.

It was all bravado and she knew it. Spike bit back like a wounded animal when he’d been hurt and she’d hurt him without thinking, this didn’t make his snipe about her tears hurt any less.

Her whole body tingled at his presence. It was never just tinglies on the back of her neck with Spike, not like when she sensed other vamps, it was full body tingles, prickling and burning as they streamed from the apex of her thighs to her outer extremities. She felt her panties flood with moisture as he stared menacingly at her. Her eyes perused his body, her eyes eating up every last ounce of delectable muscle barely hidden beyond his cotton tee.

Spike lifted his chin and closed his eyes, scenting her arousal on the soft, summer breeze. When he opened them again they were no longer cobalt blue, they were black as tar with the barest hint of navy.

Buffy backed up against the outside of the bar, her inner walls clenching and pulsing from his nearness, feeling the scratch of brick through the thin straps of her top as the wall met her back.

He placed his hand on the wall behind her head. “You gonna tell me you don’t want this, Slayer?” He moved to within an inch of her body, feeling her heat radiating as he watched her place her palms flat against the wall near her hips but not pushing him away as he’d suspected she would. He could feel her sweet, panting breath fanning his face as he breathed in her scent, her proximity drawing him in like a honey trap.

She leaned her head back against the cool stone and trustingly allowed him to lean into her neck, his only touch was the caress of his lips along her carotid artery, she could feel her own pulse thrumming wildly as he paused for a moment and ran his tongue over the pulsating beat.

Spike let out a groan, his control barely there, she could feel it vibrating through him.

“Please.” She moaned, feeling his hands grasp her upper arms.

“Want me, do you?” He growled, his eyebrow raised indulgently.

“I want you so much I can’t think straight b-but I shouldn’t.” She whimpered, her fingernails digging into the stone wall.

Then came the fireworks as Spike rescinded almost every ounce of control he’d ever had with her. He lowered his pelvis and clasped her hips, grinding into her core as his lips claimed hers, kissing her with barely withheld hunger as she drowned, her mind filled with words she couldn’t even comprehend. He smoothed both hands over her hips and clasped her butt, massaging it in wide circles before pulling her tighter into him, his tongue plundering her mouth as he rocked her against him.

He allowed her to take a breath, “Oh, fuck, Buffy, do you know what you do to me?” he said urgently, lathing his tongue over the valley of her breasts and dragging his tongue up to her jawline, wrenching her as close as he could and nibbling her ear lobe. He was driven wild by the view of her nipples standing to attention through her thin cotton top and lowered his tongue to suckle on one through the light material.

“I don’t want you to leave, Spike.” She keened as he dared to slip his fingers past the waistband of her jeans, fondling her lower belly before pushing her panties aside and moving to her dripping sex. “Please don’t go.” She pleaded as he ground into her core and slipped his middle finger to her clit.

“Fuck, Buffy, so fucking wet for me.” He ground out as he circled her most sensitive place before slipping two fingers inside her sopping cleft. Any thoughts of leaving town were rapidly replaced by a mindless desire to consume her, not to drain her, god, no, but to take everything she was willing to offer. He was her bitch and she knew it, she must have always known it.

Buffy kissed him back in delight, her moans silenced as she bit down lightly on his lip feeling herself pulse on his fingers. He lifted her leg and roughly pulled it over his hip, the seam of his jeans massaging her inner thighs as he ploughed his fingers inside of her.

Spike slowed and then stopped as Buffy reached for the belt of his jeans. “S’ not right.” He said, placing Buffy’s leg to the ground and patting her arms like she was dynamite which might explode if not handled with care.

Buffy whimpered and then shot him a look of intense anger, her eyes burning with hurt. “I knew you’d do this, you just want to be able to say you got past my boundaries, that I let you in and you did…s-stuff, to me! I don’t even know why I trusted y…hmmmphh!”

Spike kissed her again to silence her and held her upper arms. “’M Not goin’ anywhere or telling any tossers anythin’, pet. I was just gonna say, here isn’t the place for this. Don’ want our first time to be in a dirty alley behind a demon bar. I want it to be right, perfect. Now, can you give me a sign that you understand that an’ you’re not gonna just punch me in the gob an’ run away?”

Buffy nodded and smiled sadly, if not sheepishly as he cupped her face, running his thumb over the tear which had spilled over onto her cheekbone. She only knew rejection, could she ever trust that he could be any different to the others? He knew who they were and he had every opportunity to throw it back in her face but he hadn’t.

How the bint couldn’t understand his depth of feeling for her and think he would run out on her as soon as he’d had a taste he would never know, she was completely carrot top if she thought she’d ever get rid of him once she let him in. How could she not understand he would never hurt her by being such a ponce as to sleep with her and run like her cowardly exes?

“Will you come back to m’ crypt? ‘S not the Ritz but it’s clean an’ comfortable and it has a bed. The downstairs is quite posh now, actually.” He held his hand out to her and she stared at it for a moment before placing her warm one in his cooler, room, temperature one, feeling a quiver rush through her at his touch. She stared nervously as he lifted their conjoined hands and kissed the pulse point her wrist before leading her to the Desoto. He looked a bit embarrassed as all his worldly belongings were inside, thrown inside with little care.

He ran his free hand through his bleached blonde locks as he took his keys from his jeans pocket. He eyed the crate of Jack he’d pinched from the terrified drivers truck at the back of the local store earlier and left on the passenger’s seat. “’M sorry pet, there isn’t much room…” He stopped as he felt her hand on his forearm.

“Don’t tell me you’re sorry, please, I’m the one who should be sorry. I let a silly bet get out of hand. Can’t we just go so you can put your stuff back?” She waited for him to move the crate and slid into the car as he looked worriedly for somewhere to place the bottles, settling for dumping them haphazardly on the back seat.

Spike jumped into the driver’s side, revving the motor, the bottles rattling and clinking together as they pulled away.

The two were silent, the initial throb of lust between them, replaced by uncertainty.

Buffy bit her lip and peeked at him once or twice.

Spike caught her glances out of the corner of his eye. “Regrets, love?”

“What?” Buffy said, dragged out of a daydream about Spike under Willow’s spell. “No, I was just thinking about us under the spell. Did you like how we were?”

“Honestly, pet, was the best day of my life, you looked at me like I was someone and, for once, not just somethin’ you stepped in. If red’s mojo didn’t trick me into thinkin’ we’d be forever that day, I woulda made much more of the time we had.” He winked at her, the golden streetlights lighting up his face. “So, you could say I liked it, liked us.” He chuckled.

“If w-we do this, now, will it be the same?”

Spike sensed her apprehension. “Dunno, pet, all I can say is that many a good thing was ruined by overthinkin’. I want you, you want me, isn’t that all there is?” He hesitantly took her hand across the bench seat and soothed her, making small circles with his thumb in her palm. He was beginning to panic, had she changed her mind? Would she run once they got back to his crypt? Perhaps it was best to leave the stuff in the car and decide tomorrow, if he wasn’t dust by then. ‘You’re a fuckin’ wanker, why would this glorious creature want you?’ he told himself.

…

There was an awkward silence when they arrived back at the crypt. But Spike soon excused himself to go and get the necessities out of the trunk, which included a bottle of Jack, his bedding and church candles. He headed to the lower level almost as soon as he arrived back inside to make up the bed and make the place presentable but not before he’d found Buffy a soda and some chips he’d brought for her a while back, hoping then for the chance to offer her one when she wasn’t in avenging bitch-angel mode, which wasn’t very often, hence why she’d never known he had them.

….

Buffy stood in the darkness with a candle in one hand and a soda in the other and a bag of chips clutched under her arm. She didn’t know what to do, she was in two minds about running and leaving all of this behind. Spike’s words came back to her _‘Many a good thing was ruined by overthinkin’.’_

She placed the candle, chips and soda on the floor before moving to close over the door to the crypt, its loud creak reverberating around the room, shaking her hands uncertainly as her mind went into overdrive.

If she did this now, with him, there was no going back. She would have to explain everything to her friends and her mom, to tell them there was another vampire in her life who meant something to her. What Spike meant she couldn’t be truly sure right now, but if she took this step she’d be treading unchartered territory with a man who once had been her mortal enemy.

The Slayer closed her eyes and clenched her fists before nodding her head. She knew what she wanted and the only thing which would stop her this time was Spike himself, only if he told her he didn’t want her. 

She felt the cold of the crypt caress her body as she slipped out of her jeans and strappy top, moving to stand at the top of the ladder wearing just her panties, she couldn’t quite bring herself to go total commando. It was now or never. She couldn’t bring herself to care about the consequences, she wanted him and he wanted her, he’d said so.

…

Spike heard the door to his crypt bang shut and sighed, she’d bloody well just upped and gone. Why would he expect any different from her? She’d never allow him to touch her normally of her own volition. Why should now be any different?

Placing a booted foot on the ladder he caught her scent, the spicy, honeyed scent of her arousal. What the bloody hell was going on?

As his head rose over the entrance, he was faced with a pair of high heeled, black boots, long bronzed legs and delicate black laces panties. He gulped as he continued to peruse her body, his head cocked to the side as he was met by an almost naked Slayer, her arms crossed over her breasts, a look of pure challenge etched upon her features.

“Well, aren’t we just so very delectable, kitten?” Spike purred, “Seems someone has run out of patience?”

“Shut up, Spike! Take me to bed before I stake you.” She demanded, her eyes dancing in fun.

“Your wish is my command, gorgeous.” He said, bowing dramatically and making his way to the bottom of the ladder, jumping back from the forth rung and watching as her pert little ass followed him. It was all he could do not to take a bite out of her peachy bottom as she reached the rung in front of his face. The sight was like all his Christmases had come at once.

Once one stiletto heeled boot stepped onto the floor, he offered her his hand in a gentlemanly like manner as she turned, revelling in the fact she’d forgotten she was naked and took it, bearing the breasts he’d dreamed about for so long. He’d maybe sneaked a peak when she wore a low-cut top or a halter-neck which gave him a glimpse of side boob but never in his wildest dreams had he thought he’d see her butt naked, her body only covered with a tiny piece of tiny lace, standing in the room in which he’d almost wanked himself to dust over her. His throat went dry.

Buffy realised she’d revealed herself a moment too late and tried to cover herself with her spare arm. It was a futile attempt as she only ended up pushing her cleavage up further into his view and the startled look on his face told her he’d already taken more than an eyeful. “I, uh, I…” she uttered nervously.

“Don’t,” he growled, “You’re exquisite.” He continued, his fingers shaking as he reached to touch her face, his eyes as black as they’d been earlier behind the bar.

She bit her lip coyly and looked up at him, her eyelashes fluttering over cheeks flushed in embarrassment. Her eyes focussed on his lips. “You know, your lips really are kinda pretty.” She divulged.

“Yeah?” He said, taking a step closer to her, his body inches away from her almost nakedness.

“Yeah,” She breathed, feeling her heart hammering like it might just be visible through her chest, just like a thumping cartoon heart.

“Yours are bloody breathtakin’, Slayer.” He expressed, she could hear the urgency in his voice as he perused her body with a look of disbelief.

“Buffy.” She insisted.

“Err, yeah. Wot?” He said with a gravelled voice, glancing up at her eyes, with an openly terrified look she’d never seen him wear before. It was like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“I said, my name’s Buffy, not Slayer and not bitch,” she tittered indulgently, “Just Buffy.”

She watched him relax and chuckle.

“Ah, yeah, that,” he ran his hand anxiously through his hair, “You know I never meant…”

Buffy grasped him by the collar of his tee and pulled him to her, her lips centimetres away from his. “Tell me why you want me, five words or less.” She murmured.

“Less.” He paused, his dark lashes quivering as he sucked in his lower lip and let it bounce right out again.

These were the last words she heard as he crashed his gorgeous lips onto hers and took her to bed.

“Ohhhh, Spike.”

…

**Duckface Official Site.**

_‘Hi to all our fantastic members! We’re focusing on those lovely people out there who’ve changed their relationship status this week. Our highest rated couple are ‘Lips of Spike’ and ‘Chosen-One’. We want them to come home as they haven’t been active for a whole week! Let us know your thoughts on the awesome twosome, those lips are hot, hot, hot!_

Spike logged onto the site to kill time as Buffy headed home for the first time in a week. Giles had come by earlier looking for her and insisted she went home to see her mother, that had been a hoot as she’d been wearing his black tee and was nestled in his lap as they watched Passions.

Buffy had insisted they log on to the site and change their relationship status only a few hours before and told him she wouldn’t allow any other girls to look at his lips, he was hers and if they wanted him they’d have a fight on their hands, she’d told him.

Fuck he _was_ hers and he wouldn’t ever think of anyone else.

He couldn’t help but chuckle to himself as Buffy gave her Watcher a telling off about personal boundaries while wearing only his black tee as Giles stood with his crossbow pointed at Spike. By her reaction to their uninvited guest, it was clear that she wanted to be with him but she needed time to explain that to her friends and family. He felt like he was on the top of the world yet a little morose as he doubted Buffy would return to him tonight following the amazing week they’d spent together.

There was also the fear she might not return at all.

Buffy hadn’t asked him to accompany her and be part of the ‘splainy’ she had mentioned as she apologised to him, planting a sweet kiss on his lips once she was dressed and heading out to meet Giles in the cemetery. Christ, that girl needed more tutorage in the English language.

When he logged on he was rather more grumpy than usual and his fingers itched to reply as he read through some of the comments on their relationship status:

_“That bitch took my Blondie Bear!” **– Bimbo Kiss**_

_“Chosen-One is five-by-five, Lips of Spike is a hottie!”- **Sexy Slayer**_

_“I’m gonna kill you, Spike! You keep your hands off her!!” **– Angel Kisses**_

_“Yeah, whatever, everyone hates you idiots!”- **Kissing Me Softly**_

_“Lick it up!” **\- Kiss**_

_“We love you, Lips of Spike!” **– Smoochy Paloochy**_

_“You two belong together!” **\- I kissed a girl and I liked it**_

_“I’ve loved you two forever, I knew you were destined for each other!” **French Kissing in the USA**_

**_Lips of Spike replied to your comments:_** _“You sad, sad bunch of egotistical wankers. I’m snoggin’ the woman of my dreams. Now, I suggest you all go fuck yourselves!_ _😉_ _Kissing Me Softly_ _, don’t go out at night!”_

Spike felt the burn on the back of his neck telling him the Slayer was near and leered evilly, snapping the laptop shut and mentally thanking the site as he hid in the darkness behind the door, ready to pounce on his prey.

His woman had come home to him and he planned to snog her until their lips dropped off.


End file.
